Depression or not?

可不可以永远都长不大,永远都不懂事

If not for my parents, my family, the thought of leaving them,
I would probably go and keep Adel company in heaven.

I have been sleeping with my parents ever since 1st Dec. I can’t bear to sleep in our (Adel&me) room. Every time I take a step in, tears will start flowing. Just stepped inside and I am all messed up again.

I am getting more and more scary each day that I actually don’t mind dying.

Say, (drama now) IF IF IF, mom suggest to the family that she’ll whip up a poisonous dinner for the 4 of us. Once eaten and we’ll only have 2hours to live. And 2hours later, we’ll join Adel in heaven, I would put up both of my hands in the air to support this 🙂 The 5 of us belong together. 幸福和快乐的一家

I don’t wanna grow up and tell my children that “You have an aunty, but she passed away at 21years old”

*My mom won’t do this, so no worries.

I would die for Adel, I would gladly take her place.

You know, the left picture on her tomb kind of look like me.
Been hearing this from quite a few friends.

我的心很痛
妹妹死的很可怜